.....not sure if the 2 correlate but I find the older I get, the easier anxiety and panic take hold. I have had issues for years with depression and some anxiety. I just always called myself the ultimate introvert.
I am now 46 years old and I find in the last few years my anxiety has at times become immobilizing. I dread calling people on the phone. I dread meeting new clients an people. I get panicked having to go into an unfamiliar situation to the point where my stress levels become almost unmanageable.
In the last few months I started seeing a psychotherapist to deal with present and past issues. Due to some trauma I have experienced with spousal and abuse issues, I apparently also have PTSD.
I do not deal with my anxiety through medication (not yet anyway). I try therapy, exercise, journalling (when i remember)and brief moments of meditation. I am not normally the type to talk openly about issues (which drives my husband crazy) but I am slowly trying to do so.
The last 2 weeks have been particularly interesting for me. I am taking a more active role in my business and this means dealing with suppliers, clients, making phone calls etc. It is very difficult. more difficult than alot of people realize but I have managed with only a brief, nervous break down last Friday where I found myself stopped in a parking lot, crying and screaming in my car.
Is it age? Is my hysterectomy? Is it the knowledge that these issues has stopped me from succeeding for so long that I am now angry at myself?
The funny thing is, that I know what I need to do..some days I do it with relative ease and other days I will postpone and put things off to a point where it aggravates me and those around me.
Do I give in and talk to my doctor about meds? Do I push through and hope there are more good days than bad?
There is no black and white answer except keep trying; which I do. Some days are better than others. I don't want to give up but it's tempting at times.
I love life and my family too much to give up. I love myself and the possibilities too much to give in to the doubt and anxiety...on a good day.
I wake up every day trying to be positive and then i have a set back or an upsetting phone call or I am asked to do something that makes me uncomfortable. thing most people deal with every day with no issue.
I have issues....today is not a good or a bad day. I am here and trying to make sense of it all. I have peoplE who love me.
Onward I will go.
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